703 days of max and sky.

On my 26 Things list I had "Make something that contains all of the photos of my time with Max and Skylar over the last two years." I turned to Blurb to make a photo book with (almost) all of the photos I'd taken of Max and Sky while I was their nanny.I decided to go in chronological order because that made the most sense after I named the project "703 Days of Max and Sky." Obviously that means Sky doesn't pop up until the end, but I think my favorite part is watching Max grow with each flipping page from a one-year-old to an almost four-year-old.Though Max and Sky will always be in my life, I'll never be their nanny again, and I wanted to make sure that I had one solid thing to remind me of how special that time was. Photos aren't meant to be on your computer, which is why photo memory keeping is my favorite kind.This book is something I'll always have, and I'm positive I'll be flashing it around at Max's wedding. ;) I didn't photograph the 200+ page book, but these photos are of some of my favorite pages.

another end to the same era.

About six months ago, I wrote this post about the end of the era that was me as a nanny to the two most beautiful children in the world. And because Skylar was only three weeks old at the time, most of my emotion came from the end of #maxandalessia as I knew it. And then life happened. I went off to BuzzFeed for five months and had the most valuable education and experience I could ever ask for. But when I decided it wasn't for me, the heavens aligned, Max's mom went back to work after her maternity leave, and the nanny they had for about two weeks just wasn't working out. It seemed like a step backward, but I knew that I needed a job while I was getting back on my feet, and Max and Sky needed me. So I went.

The last three months with them back in my life have been even better than the first time around, something I never imagined could be possible. Skylar is a bit older now, recognizes me, and stops crying for me (a huge point of pride). I know her every need and want before her bottom lip has a chance to quiver, and as for Max, well, we've always been besties who get each other, so as he gets older, time with him just gets better and better.

Even when I left the first time, I had always said, "these kids will continue to be in my life no matter what", and now that I'm leaving them for a second time, I have absolutely zero doubts in my mind that they will be a constant part of my life, just in a much different way. Once again, I'm dealing with the bittersweetness of it all: that I get to move on and take a job that I have been working so hard toward getting, which means leaving them behind to be with a new nanny, who whether I like it or not, will fall just as much in love with these kids as I have.

So these little chickens still have my heart, and always will, but things are going to be different. Our time together is so much more precious, something that absolutely cannot be taken for granted, and I know that Max will slowly begin to realize that as he starts noticing the changes without me there every day. The era has come to another end, likely the most permanent end, as I can't imagine I'll ever be their full-time nanny again, but they are part of the reason I got the new job that I did, and for that reason alone, I think that things are finally working out for me and the career I set out to build myself.

Everything happens for a reason has never rang more true for me than right now.

Side note: #maxandalessia and #alessiaandskylar will never cease to exist, so keep an eye out for nugget updates.

happy half birthday, skylar fallyn.

Dear Skylar,

You're six months old today, and all of the cliches apply: I can't believe how fast time has gone, you're getting so big, you make me proud every day, you're such a smart little girl, you are the most beautiful girl in the world, etc. The only one thing that surprises me, though it may seem hard to understand, is how much I love you.

When your mommy told me she was pregnant with you last January on our trip to California, I was so overjoyed that her and daddy were getting another shot at having a baby, because they had already been through so much before and after having Max. I was so excited initially, and though I never stopped being excited, as your due date approached I started to get anxious, and to feel apprehensive. I spent almost two years being your big brother's nanny, giving him so much love every day, that I just didn't know how I could make room in my heart for you, too. I didn't want to lose what me and Max had as a duo.

The day you were born though, your mom sent me a picture as soon as she could, and my heart exploded and swelled. I realized in that moment that I didn't need to make room in my heart for you, my heart just grew one hundred times its size in an instant, and I was so in love with you that it hurt, and still does.

Three weeks into your life, I disappeared for three months; three crucial months. By the time we saw each other, you were holding up your own head, laughing, just about rolling over, and seeing me from further and further away and smiling every time we locked eyes. In the last two months since I've been back with you and your brother, I have loved you both so hard that it physically pains me to think about, but in the best way that you couldn't possibly even understand yet. It's the best kind of love.

Sky, no matter how little I may be around in the future, no matter how many days pass without getting to see my face, no matter how many little moments I may miss, you have to know that the love I feel for you will never fade, it will never go away. It will only get stronger and more insane as time goes on. Being a part of your life is one of the greatest gifts I have ever received.

I love you babygirl, happy half birthday.

Love, your Alessia.

the end of an era.

Today is my last day as a nanny. I'm sitting with max as this goes live, probably eating breakfast and keeping an eye on skylar in her swing. If I feel anything like I think I do, I'm an absolute mess. I've been a mess for two weeks. But we can rewind.

Back in May I started to write for BuzzFeed Community, and all at once, all of the career woes and worries I had been feeling since graduating two years prior were gone. This is what I want to do with my life. I want to make people laugh, I want to write about things I want to read about, and more than that, I want to work with a creative group of people who are like me and have the same passions and dreams. In July I started applying for jobs at online publications, but BuzzFeed was my target. When I finally got an interview for their editorial fellowship program in August, I was thrilled. Needless to say, after a month of waiting to hear back, I didn't get the position. Then that same day I got another interview with the DIY/Lifestyle section, and as soon as I sat down in that second interview, it felt like coming home. These were my people. They get me, they're like me, they're funny and nice and exactly who I want to be surrounded by. I got the job.

So fast forward to today, and all of the feelings. I start working for BuzzFeed tomorrow, and while I could not be more excited that I accomplished exactly what I set out to do back in July, bittersweet is such an understatement. The bitter part of this will far outweigh the sweet all day, and that's okay. I'm saying goodbye to the last two years of my life, a two years that I didn't know could be so full of change and growth and love. My best friend is a three year old boy. I spend more time with him than any other person in my life and now that's changing for both of us, and what hurts me the most is that he can't possibly understand what hopes and dreams and passions are yet. Not to the extent of leaving behind a three year old boy to pursue them, at least.

I spent yesterday going through photos of max from the day I started working for his family all the way up to this last week. He has changed so much over the last two years, and it made me so emotional that this little baby that was brought into my life at exactly the right time has become such a grown up little boy right before my eyes. And it's devastating to know that without me around he'll continue to grow and change and I won't be there for any of it. No more of his firsts will be spent with me, no more of his discoveries will be because of something I taught him, and he won't watch a classic Disney movie because I force him to, only to realize that damn, Disney movies were kind of effed up when I was a kid.

The knowledge of that and more is what makes this day one of the hardest of my life. I have become so comfortable letting myself into that house every morning to start another day with my chicken nugget. And not to mention my new little chicken wing, skylar, who only knows me as the lady that changes her diaper and feeds her and gives her a million kisses all day long. Even saying that she knows that is a stretch. We'll never make memories together like max and I have, we'll never have inside jokes, and we'll never be the kind of best friends that max and I are. Such a bummer.

It's not to say that these kids won't still be in my life, because they totally will, but it will never be the same. Someone else is going to come into their lives and love them and care for them. But I like to think that they couldn't possibly be loved by anyone else more than they are by me #denial.

So a new chapter of my life is starting, and it's surely the end of an era. A diaper, drool, macaroni & cheese, playground, bubble filled era that has made me so happy. I am extremely fortunate to have had these last two years be a reality, and I know that the fact that I'm even able to move on from it and leave my babes behind means that I'm truly setting out to do a job that is going to make me happy. So here's to that, my chickens, and pursuing a career in a field that relates in absolutely no way to the degree you are thousands of dollars in debt because of.

dear max.

Dear Max,

I have been your nanny for a year and a half now, and you have filled that time with so much joy and love, more joy and love than I ever thought I could give or receive. I have written many letters to you in my head over this year and a half, but now I think it's time to put one down in writing, the best way I know how.

I can't be your nanny forever, though I wish I could. But I promise you, I will always be in your life. For trick or treating adventures, birthday parties, your big school events, even the little stuff. Especially the little stuff. You are my little man, my best friend, my dude, and my favorite cuddle bug. I could never leave that behind, never in a million years. 

The other night I put you to bed while mommy and daddy were out, which is my favorite thing to do. During the day we play and run and dress-up, but at night you are quiet, thoughtful, and more loving than I ever see during the light hours of the day. As the day unwinds, you become a softer, more tender boy, and it's my favorite time to spend with you.

We colored pictures of Mickey and played with stickers, we ate dinner side by side and talked about what it means to be someone's BFF, and how you want me to teach you to eat with chopsticks. You are such a different boy than you were a year and a half ago, so much bigger and wiser, but still that same inquisitive child who wants to know everything about everything, and fast. 

When we went up to bed you chose to read Chicka Chicka Boom Boom, which is one of my favorites. We read it many times when I was teaching you your alphabet before your second birthday, just as my mom had done with me when I was little. We read through the whole thing, me speaking the words and you pointing out all of the lowercase letters on the pages. Then we reached the final page, the full alphabet in capitals and lowercase and you started singing the ABCs. I've heard you do this countless times, sometimes correctly, sometimes jumbled, like when you first learned and you just could not get that "L M N O P" part down. But this time was different. You sang it with a smile, in your sweet little voice, and me, well I just stared at your round cheeks and long eyelashes and beamed with pride at the little boy you have become right before my eyes. 

Holding back tears, I told you that that was simply the best you've ever sang your alphabet, and that yes, next time I will sing with you. We cuddled and you draped your arm over my neck like you always do before nap time, and I squeezed you back as hard as I could.

I have so much love for you, sweet boy. So much love that I can't really even comprehend it. I have been thinking about how hard it is going to be to not be with you every day, but this night was what I needed to calm my anxious mind. As I left your room and said goodnight, my "I love you" sitting on the tip of my tongue as I turned out the light, you whispered, "I love you so much, Alessia". It was all I could do to get the words out of my mouth to tell you that I love you back before crying my way down the stairs. I've heard you say those words to me a million times over, sometimes through giggles when I tickle them out of you, but tonight was different. You expressing your love without having a prompt put all of my worries to the side. 

No matter who comes into your life next, no one can take away our special bond. You are my little man and I am your Alessia, and that is how it will be forever. 

Yours always,

Your Alessia

project life 2014 // week twenty-one.

May 19 - May 25. The beach happened this week, and this project documented how epic life is in the summer.What went on this week: For starters, you may notice that almost every picture in this spread has a pair of red converse in it. I bought Max converse for his birthday because he is obsessed with mine. I don't think that he knew they were an option for his tiny feet though until he opened them up. Needless to say, we did a lot of converse wearing this week. We had a couple of fun outdoor play dates, an inside one between Spiderman (Max) and Wolverine (his friend Brody), which were great, and over the long Memorial Day weekend it was finally warm and sunny enough for the first beach day of the year #winning.About this spread: Like I said, there were a lot of red converse moments this week, and a lot of outdoor moments, all making for very colorful photos. I kept the journaling cards in grayscale so as to not overwhelm what is already so overwhelming in the photos. I love the way it came together with all of the converse photos on the left side, and all of the other photos on the right.Details + interesting tidbits: I used a couple of Midnight edition's quote journal cards to keep things very simple, but also say so much about the spread. I did journal on a "this photograph" card because I wanted to go in depth with the red converse story, and I used the "a thought" card from the Camelot kit to express how amazing sunny days really are when you've gone through six months of harsh winter.  Photo breakdown: phone photos: 11 // canon t3 photos: 0 // polaroid photos: 0. Taken by me, the self-timer, and shutter remotes.
Materials, supplies, and tools I used: midnight core kit, design A pocket pages, studio calico camelot monthly kit (journaling card, wood tag), less is more stamps, elise joy stamps, fiskars corner rounder, fiskars paper trimmer, staz-on jet black ink, hp everyday photo paper, smash date stamp, zig writer for vellum marker in black (on photos), zig writer marker in black (on journal cards).

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Project Life is a simplified solution to scrapbooking created by Becky Higgins that helps you to record the memories of everyday life. Document your story either physically or digitally along with me and so many others. Find out more here, how to start here, & see all of my PL 2014 posts here.

happy birthday, max.

Dear Max,

On Saturday you turned three (thank goodness, because you've been asking for months, "I'm three yet, Alessia?") and I just cannot believe it. The other day you and I went through my vine videos that started a month or so after I became your nanny, and you kept saying, "this is when I was a baby, right?" To me, you are still a baby, but I agreed with you and told you that it was, in fact, when you were a much smaller boy.

Though there are a million things that I wish I could figure out how to tell you to try and explain how much you mean to me and how much I love you, it's impossible. So to keep it simple, I'll let the photos of your growth over the last year and a half do the talking. I am so proud of the little boy you are becoming out of the bright and happy toddler that you have been.

Happy birthday, sweet boy. I love you so, so much - more than you could ever know.

Love, your Alessia.

a (long) story about how I got my nannying job.

Today is officially the one year mark with my job as Max's nanny. I could not be more grateful for what this last year of my life has given to me. Max is a sweet, bright, and loveable boy who I couldn't imagine my life without now. I know that the time will come when I can no longer be his nanny (I need to do something with the large bachelor's degree gathering dust in my basement), but I just know that him and his parents will always be in my life. In terms of everything about my job, I am very lucky and boy, do I know it. Not everyone who is a nanny ends up with the perfect family, not every kid is as great or as easy of a kid as Max is, and not every person who wants to be a nanny can find a job. 

Enter sittercity.

I used sittercity through recommendation from my college house mate who used it to find the family she permanently babysat for throughout high school and on college breaks. I went on a lot of interviews in college for a part time sitting position through this website. I declined a lot of jobs, I wasn't called back on a few (which was usually a relief because I didn't absolutely love the family or the kids), and at times there were moms or dads who contacted me that either lived too far away or needed more hours than I could give. I did get one babysitting job eventually with an adorable boy who was not even a year old at the time. Though the family paid great and the kid was awesome, I usually only spent about a half hour with him before his mom put him to bed and they went out. I can't complain though. It was nice to see sittercity finally work for me and my schedule, and I got paid to do my school work.

After I graduated from school, I looked for teaching jobs but had zero success. I didn't get any interviews, I didn't even get emails back when I asked about the status of my applications. I activated my sittercity account again and began getting interviews. During this time I was working thirty hours a week at a boutique at my local mall. I'd had the job for two years and worked through all of my college breaks, but as a permanent job it just wasn't doing it for me. I worked for a very ungrateful man who was money hungry and didn't care much about the employees of his "family based business" (ironic, isn't it?) I wanted out, especially because I needed more than eight dollars an hour to live (even living with my parents rent free it was peanuts and not enough money for me to get by on).

I haven't shared this type of thing here on the blog because it isn't really the type of content I normally share. However, I do share a lot about myself and I'm always honest about what I share, so I figure this post is the best one to include this little story. After an upset at this job (one of the owner's stores had to close and he basically fired all of my friends that worked at that location), I said a few things about how disgusted and upset I was about the situation. It made me feel so disposable to these people that I dedicated so much of my time to over the last two years. I was good at my job, but treatment like that was certainly not going to keep my work ethic honest. A lesson, friends: you really can't trust too many people. It's hard for someone like me to really remind myself of this fact because I trust very easily, too easily. The things I said in my moment of anger that weekend got back to the owner of the store and to my not-so-surprise-after-the-fact-even-though-I'm-not-the-girl-who-gets-fired I was fired on the following Monday.

That brings me back to sittercity. That Monday, mere hours before I was fired from my only job at the time, I received an email from a woman who lived less than a mile away from me who needed a nanny for her son. Her description of the job sounded perfect, the hours were long but I'd have Fridays off, and the pay bracket she displayed on her profile was right where I needed it to be to more than double my weekly retail salary. I responded with a resounding yes please and the interview was set up for Friday. After I was fired, I drove home in a fit of rage that is so laughable (the reason I was angry was because I wanted to be the one to quit my job and have the last word, not because I was fired) and as soon as I walked through my front door I got a call from the woman who emailed me earlier that day. Her and her husband were in the car on the way home from work and they wanted to know more about me.

Of course the first thought I had was, "do I tell them why I'm out of breath and sounding a little "I hate the world" right now?" I did. If I could do it all over again, I'd still tell them. It was important for me to be honest and let them know what happened because I think that it shows the type of person I am. I won't stand to be wronged and I won't work in an environment that makes me feel uncomfortable, disposable, and cheap. Even though I didn't quit myself, my days were numbered and they honestly did me a favor by letting me go. By telling them all of this, I think I made it clear that I work hard no matter what, but refuse to be used anymore. I interviewed for the job that Friday and met Max - my best friend, the love of my life, the sweetest boy in the world who has filled my life with so much joy. I got the job on Sunday and started on Monday.

Though I do believe in everything happening for a reason and kind of in fate a little bit, I know that sittercity is really who I have to thank for this job. If I hadn't put my profile back up, who knows where the hell I'd be now. Max's parents found me at the exact right time. They needed me and I needed them and that's exactly how this site works. It's so simple. I wholeheartedly recommend this website to anyone looking for a babysitting or nanny job, or for any moms or dads who need an extra set of hands with their kids. I have been so very blessed to have this job for the last year, and I am so thankful to sittercity for giving me the opportunity to put myself out there in a unique way and find exactly what I needed. To them I owe some of the happiest moments of the last year, maybe even of my life.

*this is not a sponsored post. I love sittercity and all it does to help families find nannies and vice versa. I recommend this site because it is totally my own opinion that it is a wonderful way to find what you need when it comes to childcare (or special needs or pet care).

i love you to...

...the moon and back.